Life Behind the Camera

Who were you in a past life? by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably:	A japanese emperor
If not then you were:	Katsushika Hokusai
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Baseball is a hard sport to take pictures of. First of all, the batter only hits the ball only 3 out of 5 pitches and when they do hit the ball, its almost always an out. Its like there are 5 min or waiting for 5 secs of action and when there is action (like when the batter hits the ball for once) everything's going on at once! The batter's running toward the base, the outfielders are running to catch the ball, the infielders (?) throws the ball once they catch it and the base guard people tries to tackle the batter. Unlike football, soccer or basketball where the action is always where the ball is, baseball is so much about action where the ball is NOT. Like the batter running toward first base when the ball is going the other direction. I mean, how am I supposed to focus on everything at once!

Secondly, the distance. There's like a mile between the pitcher and the outfielders and there is no way the pictures will come out nicely if I am far enough away to encompass everybody on my camera. So, I have to use zoom which limits the range of action I get. Everything happens so fast in baseball that I don't have time to change my zoom. And besides I am not allowed anywhere close to the players so I either have to stand on top of the hill, in the dugout or with my camera put right up to the fence.

So I figured out a strategy, I focus on the pitcher and get all the good pics I need. Then I'd go on to the batter, first base, 2nd base, 3rd and outfield. Though I don't have to zoom in and out as much, this way take a long time and murphy's law loves to give a spectacular catch to the outfielder whenever I'm focused on the pitcher.

Somethings I noticed about baseball.... The players LOVE to spit on the ground (just like basketball players love to wipe the sole of their shoe with their hands)... What's with that?! I think it is downright disgusting, its not like removing liquid from your mouth will help you pitch or catch better. Even the coaches does that too! Once they have nothing to do but watch... *harcK* it comes. Eck.

Oh and the baseball players LOVE to shout at their teammates. Which is good I suppose, you know, giving encouragement but I never seen more shouting in anyother sports. Maybe its because all of the others have so much action and baseball is just a whole lot of waiting around.

Anyway, there is a track meet going on at the same time as the baseball game. Though it is a pretty warm day, I really didn't feel like taking more pictures and I had enough of 20 things going on at the same time (like the numerous track events I saw happening as I was walking back). Its as if I don't have enough of that going on at school...

Baseball is a hard sport to take pictures of. First of all, the batter only hits the ball only 3 out of 5 pitches and when they do hit the ball, its almost always an out. Its like there are 5 min or waiting for 5 secs of action and when there is action (like when the batter hits the ball for once) everything's going on at once! The batter's running toward the base, the outfielders are running to catch the ball, the infielders (?) throws the ball once they catch it and the base guard people tries to tackle the batter. Unlike football, soccer or basketball where the action is always where the ball is, baseball is so much about action where the ball is NOT. Like the batter running toward first base when the ball is going the other direction. I mean, how am I supposed to focus on everything at once!

Secondly, the distance. There's like a mile between the pitcher and the outfielders and there is no way the pictures will come out nicely if I am far enough away to encompass everybody on my camera. So, I have to use zoom which limits the range of action I get. Everything happens so fast in baseball that I don't have time to change my zoom. And besides I am not allowed anywhere close to the players so I either have to stand on top of the hill, in the dugout or with my camera put right up to the fence.

So I figured out a strategy, I focus on the pitcher and get all the good pics I need. Then I'd go on to the batter, first base, 2nd base, 3rd and outfield. Though I don't have to zoom in and out as much, this way take a long time and murphy's law loves to give a spectacular catch to the outfielder whenever I'm focused on the pitcher.

Somethings I noticed about baseball.... The players LOVE to spit on the ground (just like basketball players love to wipe the sole of their shoe with their hands)... What's with that?! I think it is downright disgusting, its not like removing liquid from your mouth will help you pitch or catch better. Even the coaches does that too! Once they have nothing to do but watch... *harcK* it comes. Eck.

Oh and the baseball players LOVE to shout at their teammates. Which is good I suppose, you know, giving encouragement but I never seen more shouting in anyother sports. Maybe its because all of the others have so much action and baseball is just a whole lot of waiting around.

Anyway, there is a track meet going on at the same time as the baseball game. Though it is a pretty warm day, I really didn't feel like taking more pictures and I had enough of 20 things going on at the same time (like the numerous track events I saw happening as I was walking back). Its as if I don't have enough of that going on at school...

Baseball is a hard sport to take pictures of. First of all, the batter only hits the ball only 3 out of 5 pitches and when they do hit the ball, its almost always an out. Its like there are 5 min or waiting for 5 secs of action and when there is action (like when the batter hits the ball for once) everything's going on at once! The batter's running toward the base, the outfielders are running to catch the ball, the infielders (?) throws the ball once they catch it and the base guard people tries to tackle the batter. Unlike football, soccer or basketball where the action is always where the ball is, baseball is so much about action where the ball is NOT. Like the batter running toward first base when the ball is going the other direction. I mean, how am I supposed to focus on everything at once!

Secondly, the distance. There's like a mile between the pitcher and the outfielders and there is no way the pictures will come out nicely if I am far enough away to encompass everybody on my camera. So, I have to use zoom which limits the range of action I get. Everything happens so fast in baseball that I don't have time to change my zoom. And besides I am not allowed anywhere close to the players so I either have to stand on top of the hill, in the dugout or with my camera put right up to the fence.

So I figured out a strategy, I focus on the pitcher and get all the good pics I need. Then I'd go on to the batter, first base, 2nd base, 3rd and outfield. Though I don't have to zoom in and out as much, this way take a long time and murphy's law loves to give a spectacular catch to the outfielder whenever I'm focused on the pitcher.

Somethings I noticed about baseball.... The players LOVE to spit on the ground (just like basketball players love to wipe the sole of their shoe with their hands)... What's with that?! I think it is downright disgusting, its not like removing liquid from your mouth will help you pitch or catch better. Even the coaches does that too! Once they have nothing to do but watch... *harcK* it comes. Eck.

Oh and the baseball players LOVE to shout at their teammates. Which is good I suppose, you know, giving encouragement but I never seen more shouting in anyother sports. Maybe its because all of the others have so much action and baseball is just a whole lot of waiting around.

Anyway, there is a track meet going on at the same time as the baseball game. Though it is a pretty warm day, I really didn't feel like taking more pictures and I had enough of 20 things going on at the same time (like the numerous track events I saw happening as I was walking back). Its as if I don't have enough of that going on at school...

Tommorrow I think I'm going to take some JV baseball pictures for yearbook. I think I got enough (good) pictures for Varsity, though they always play at home, which makes JV and frosh pictures kinda hard to get. But hey, its baseball, pretty good uniforms.

Thursday night I'm going to the mayfete parent performance. Somehow, I got stuck with taking pictures for mayfete and I don't really like walking around in the middle of the gym while everyone else is sitting. I hope the princesses are there doing their serenade thing too so that I wouldn't have to take any pictures on friday.

I'm bringing my mom with me to watch mayfete on thursday night. Man, is she in for some shock at the way high schoolers dance in America. Haha.

I didn't see anything today..... but I was reminiscing on past memories... Bwahahaha!

So physics class today turned into a "lets find out as much about Mr. Trtek as possible" session, which all came about because Trtek knew a famous physictist while he was at Caltech. Turns out that he was NOT valedictorian there and it seems he is rather annoyed that this rumor had been passing around. According to him, he is just another "grad school drop out".

I totally BLEW on my soph mock team today. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten as MAD at the cross but he STILL doesn't have this questions ready and scrimmage is in 2 weeks. This case is more complicated than those sophomores think, we haven't had a run through because NONE of the people DID ANYTHING, the opener don't even have an outline of his speech, the direct has 6 questions for ALL THREE WITNESSES, the cross has nothing and tries to cover it by pretending to ask me questions. The closing has a very very very rough draft that is more than an opener because there was basically no arguement in it!

For heaven's SAKE, when we did this case for regionals, we were required to have our speech done and presentable by the second meeting. Jack was harsh but helpful to require us to go without notes on the third.

And on our practices, the witnesses have NOTHING to do cuz the lawyers dont have questions, so they goof off and distract other ppl by looking at yearbook photos while I am trying to get their minds on to the case! And when I tried to do cross or direct with them they read from they dont' know anything about the character they are supposed to portray and keep having to read from the booklet!

What can I say, it seems that I just can't pass on my love for mock trial no matter how hard I try....

I've been having weird dreams lately. Unlike my archetypal ones where I run away from something horrid like a natural disastor or a monster. I dream about people. Person telling me what I should or shouldn't do. Like that mysterious person behind my back telling me not to touch my hair on Sunday morning.

Just last night, I had this dream about an old woman telling me that time is the scariest thing in the world....

Maybe my ancestors are sending me dreams to tell me something important. I just have to figure out what....

I'm feeling a bit better about everything after going to Powell's books downtown. Watching the people come and go, walking under trees beside the max rails all ways make me happier on sunny days and cheer me up on cloudy days.

I got a new book at Powells called "Middlesex" which is supposed to be about a Greek family's life in the USA after WWII. I spent some time wrapping the cover butcher paper, which makes me extremely happy.

It is a beautiful day outside, but I don't feel the beauty.

I don't want to complain or whine because I really don't think I deserve to. It would be putting myself in the center of the world again. I guess I have to do SOMETHING instead of sitting here and let me chew myself to bits. But I'm scared, afraid that I'll go crazy if I do choose to do something.

It is easy to say, I don't have the brains for this. Its not my fault. But guess what? It is. I have the brains for it, I even have the brains for the much hated physics if I put myself down to it (like with lab omega). But I never did. I seem so into taking shortcuts in life that this one just landed me into a ditch.

I lack perseverance, I lack diligence. As my parents would put it, I have been given so many sweet and red apples that I never learned how to plant apple trees myself. As much as I can say things here, you watch me. As soon as I finish the entry, I'll go and try to escape through books, movies, music, outside. Anything but my desk with a pile of work to be done.

Is this my path to being a doctor?

I despise myself

You know the inspiration poems or songs? The poems that tell you to go on no matter what? To Never to give up? They are really inspirational when things are going well, when you have survived through a crisis and the sun is shining through a rainbow after the rain.

But when you are in one, when you are in a storm, no matter the poem, no matter the lyric, the message just reduced down to one word.

F-U-C-K.

Today was a bit better, despite the B-dayness. In physics class, our crane failed as usual. No surprises there,but I FRIGGIN WORKED HARD ON THE CALCULATIONS!!! Ours would've worked if we tied the string much more sturdier. It came loose after we put the mass on, thus making the angle different and thus, with a soft *whump* the crane broke on Mr. Trtek's mattrice.

Seriously, I had my hand before the mass was completely hanging by itself to try and fix the string before MaoMao's hands let go of the mass completely! I could've fixed it. But everyone else (whose cranes also broke) was like "LET GO RUOLAN!!". And I'm like "NO!" There was this moment, frozen in time where everyone was just like LET GO!! And I just refused! Finally I looked at Mr. Trtek and he told me to let go and flop goes our crane. Like I said before, why wouldn't everyone live in peace. The people in my physics class were all like "if ours broke, then we want yours to break too!" The hostility was APPALLING. And trtek seem to encourage it.

As if I hadn't had enoough of Physics. The scientific American Arrives today with a big long article about The Big Bang theory, cosmology and of course, Einstein's special relativity.

While waiting for my soph mock team to be relased from Censoni (which took up 20 min of our coaching time!!!) me and Nadia was talking about Ms. Davey. Kevin was there too and he started talking about his mom and did the greatest impersonation of the excited Ms. Davey! (you know, the clapping hands together, open mouth smile and bouncing up and down stuff). So hilarious, Kevin should wear glasses! But scary thought of the day: I think Kevin was a very cute baby, dunno where that came from but I get a "awww, how cute" feeling whenever I look at his face. Anyway... moving on.

The grammar test wasn't that bad today. I was very relaxed when I took it and Dr. Korach just let me sit in the English room by myself to take it. The view outside the window was so pretty that I was humming a song while trying to figure out the diagrams. Hopefully I'll get a grade higher than my last F this time. Ha Ha.

Hey, by being an "active" member of Blogger, I get to try out the new Google Mail before it is released to public. Isn't that cool? I get 1000 megabytes of mail storage. Haha. Well, if you get the time, email me at nalour@gmail.com and I'll check out the many new features that I don't know about yet.

Today was...better. Though I still didn't fall asleep till 1 or 2 in the morning. My head hurts like hell and I can't concentrate (that's why I am writing this, ha). Though I need to study for my Grammar test retake tommorrow.

I think I pretty much figured out the physics lab tommorrow. Another stupid "contest" between the groups? Why are there so much competition? Why couldn't all of us work together, instead of always against each other?! Our crane is going to break first, and you know what? I friggin don't care anymore? Everyone knows that our group is the stupidest (since I'm in it) but this time, I really DID use the equations, I DID ask Trtek about it. I think I included all of the torques on the boom and I can use the equation to calculate what angle we need to set the crane so the string wouldn't break after Trtek gives us the mass tommorrow.

Yes, physics class. For some reason, the guys in the class think that they are all named "Mr. Trtek". Whenever one of us ask a question to Mr. Trtek, they all try to answer. Especially Steve, who thinks he knows everything about Special/General Relativity and is smiling ever so smuggly and periodically nodding his head as Mr. Trtek explained the time dilation stuff.

So tired. I'm going to nap awhile then its on to grammar.

Imagine the color puke yellow... such is my horrible day.

I didn't fall asleep till 2 o'clock last night because I was insanely scared that someone will climb up on the trees outside my window, sneak in and kill me. (I guess the idea came from a rather freaky solicitor yesterday afternoon when my parents aren't home). After waking up a 5 and finding I cannot fall back asleep, I turned and tossed till 6:30, got up and went to school.

History was no fun. Had to write two free-response essays within the class period about Vietnam and Civil Rights movement. My hands are spasming and shaking by the end of the period.

PAS. I hoped that the addition of Sophomore Mock Trial coaching (which I have been looking forward to since last year!) would be fun! But my team SUCKS! I was trying to get them to arrive at some case theory and out of my 4 lawyers, one of them is playing games on his cellphone, the other is flirting with the witnesses, the third zipped up his parka and pretends to be sleeping and the last one just stares at me with a "I am so bored" expression. I really want my lilttle minions to beat their opposite class team. But at this rate, no way in hell.

Physics. Found out we have a huge lab due next class period that I forgot about. It is another one of those stupid contests to see who can build the strongest crane which I'm sure our's will SNAP after the initial weight is being put on. And then of course, we'll get disqualified, just like last time.

Math is the worst. I am not doing well AT ALL in that class. Hello! Wake up and smell the coffee and stop living in the illusion that you still have a B. The scary part is, I am so frightened to do any homework now, I am in this mindset that I will fail at everything, there is no point to learning relate rates. Two weeks till the final and I'm falling apart.

But NO, I'll get myself together again. Starting out with Math, then on to Chem and English. I will not be unnerved by all the stuff I need to do. Its simple, all I have to do is to tackle the future step by step, I will not allow myself to stress out about the future or to regret about the past. I am living in the present and NOW is the time to tackle related rates.

WTF, I have been having hiccups like crazy today. I hold my breath and it goes away for a few hours and *hic* it comes right back.

I have been thinking, in case I couldn't reach my goal as a doctor. What other options do I have? I mean I wanted to become a doctor ever since... I can remember that I didn't even think about other possibilities. Lemme see....

Despite how much I love Mock Trial, I don't think the law is for me. I don't have that, think on the feet quality and I hate to just be a lawyer that does nothing but clerical work and doesn't get to face the jury at all.

I can join the peace corps or go restore ruins in Asia or China. Except you have to have good health for that. Well, its not like I have some chronological disease (well, sort of, but not such that would mortally affect me if I don't treat it). Its just that me, who's so unsporty and so unhealthy will not be able to survive long enough to actually do any work at the site. I would be arriving at some village in Africa and the whole village would have to help ME because I'll be sick with malaria and typhus and dysentery.... That sort of defeats the point a bit.

I'm thinking that incase none of the hospitals want me as a doctor here, I could always go back to China. But then, my Chinese skills... I could speak, read and write. But since I learned everything about science in English, it takes a while to learn the Chinese words for sodium, calcium, lead.... I could do it. But my parents warns me that I have a too ideological view of China, they think I'll get burned by the tedious "people relations" "corruption" etc if I do go back there and work.

Two of my dads patients that I've met once told me that they can see guandian angels and that mine is standing right beside me.

After awhile, they told me they just had a conversation with my guandian angel about my past life. They said I was egyptian my past life and I loved music more than anything.

I was kinda freaked when I heard them say all that as if its more than common that they talk to the air next to me. But its kinda interesting now that I think about it....

Egyptian, I like that...

You know how sometimes when you are so tired that you start talking in incoherent sentences? Today was definetly one of those days. The military apitude test took 4 bloody hours and then I had to go babysit for 4 more bloody hours. I can hardly open my eyes, even when I'm writing this right now.

My MT team doesnt' see as excited as I am. I HAVE to train them to become the best of the best! (Even though they look like they have no potential) WTF, I am the best coach EVER and they should bow and thank heavens that I am their coach! And what did they do... roll their eyes and ask if the class period will be over. Seriously, I think censoni's prosecution team has much more competent people though their coaches aren't as good as Me and Micki. If we were to coach the prosecution team, we could really dominate. But a problem is always there...

I chose the defense team, cuz I did this case as defense before so it will be easy. Another reason is that the person I hate more than anything is on the prosecution team, and if I were to actually take that team. I couldn't be able to control myself from knocking him unconscious with my physics book (that thing is a weapon!). There's a problem there, especially if I want my team to do well. Thus, I chose the defense team.... Which I hope will be a descision that I WON'T regrett.

They are going to KNOW this case (even though I doubt many will actually analyze the case like I asked them to do this weekend).

So yeah, I got killed by my stomach ache (ja, ur right) today. So tired, going to bed so I'll wake up fresh and alert for mah 2 history study guides.

*makes the star trek hand thingy*

This week had been so busy. I am glad that it is almost over... I have a babysitting job tommorrow that I am looking forward to and the weekend should be filled with busy work. Not hard like the 12 page english essay, just busy like 3 history study guides to do. But I can do them while listening to music and its all good.

I want to go downtown this friday, but I sort of signed up for that military apitude test. Me? in the military? that is the biggest Joke ever! Maybe I'll convince Sarah to go randomnly walking around downtown and looking in the windows. And Have subway! I am obsessed over Subway grilled chicken sandwhiches!

What is the point of this entry? Nothing. I am not happy or sad, unlike most of my other entries. Just bland, bored in Yearbook.

*makes the star trek hand thingy*

This week had been so busy. I am glad that it is almost over... I have a babysitting job tommorrow that I am looking forward to and the weekend should be filled with busy work. Not hard like the 12 page english essay, just busy like 3 history study guides to do. But I can do them while listening to music and its all good.

I want to go downtown this friday, but I sort of signed up for that military apitude test. Me? in the military? that is the biggest Joke ever! Maybe I'll convince Sarah to go randomnly walking around downtown and looking in the windows. And Have subway! I am obsessed over Subway grilled chicken sandwhiches!

What is the point of this entry? Nothing. I am not happy or sad, unlike most of my other entries. Just bland, bored in Yearbook.

Don't you listen to some music you haven't heard for a long time and it just seems you are back there again, at that time period when you listened to this particular song everyday. So often that its been burned into your memory for that three months before you get tired of it? Then, you put the song away into some drawers in your brain, until cleaning out under you bed, you find the CD again and there was that piece of musical memory of you, preserved perfectly well even if years and years had passed?

I had the pleasure of retasting those memories today... it was wonderful....

Today was very away from patternish.

In PAS, my butt didn't even touch the chair. An individual forgot to bring the Mock Trial case again and when I told Mr. Moore I didn't have the case, he grabbed the closest person beside (which happened to be Michael Goldberg) and asked him to drive me home to get MY version of the case so that the secretary of the printship and retype it up by tommorrow.

So, we walked down to the church, drove to my house where I remembered that Jack might have a copy at his office, so we drove to his office, watched painstakingly as he photocopied a copy for me. Picked up something to eat and came back to the school.

And then its just running back and forth between 2nd floor Moore's room and the printshop. The DAs in the printshop nearly fainted when I told him that I need 110 copies of a 50 page packed by the end of today. Dear ole Ron told me to march back upstairs and send Moore to see him. Dear ole Moore cut down half of the page #s and send me to fill out a print order form back downstairs. Ron then told me the order form needed Moore's signature. So its back upstairs I go for the 4th friggin time!

Now, I actually ENJOYED physics class today. HOW AMAZING IS THAT?! We had to take some Data for a Lab and I actually got the crane set up and the static equations involved in it. Even the insanely arrogant Aaberg asked me how to do figure things out. Haha, well this is the first and time this year that I understood stuff in class.

Anyway, Lunch was amazing today. Grilled Chicken Subway sandwich....mmmmm.... I love sitting out side in the terrace behind the school. The sun was nice, the building looked pretty and the air was so much fresher than the ones inside the old new gym.

My parents left this afternoon around 5:45 to goto another party. Since I spent the whole day basically doing nothing (we were at China Moon for 3 hours with friends) I figured that I should go do some homework, but I somehow ended up in front of the TV watching "Sprited Away" till my parents returned 2 and 1/2 hours later.

I head was dizzy and buzzing and I felt terrible that I didn't finish whatever I started out to do. My parents are actually pretty nice about it, they suggested that I take a walk and it really helped calm me and my guilty conscience.

Its weird, week after week my weekends follow a pattern. I do my homework on friday and saturday. And Sunday nights are usually spent crusing online and answering my procrastinating friends. But this week had been a little off my never-ending cycle, which is nice, I actually feel more relaxed tonight than other weeks.

Yes, I can't slack off. Its gonna be hell on a rollercoaster from now till May 11th and I have to do Calc, Chem and history while the 180 mph ride turns me upside down.

I'm just barfing at the thought.....

The concert was interesting, one of the funnest ones I've been to but it is kinda long. From 7 to 10:10 ish. Man, I could've watched LOTR but no regretts one of my good friends is in it! 12 year old ROSA LI!!! Playing against 9 other professional piano players on a stage with 10 pianos!! How cool is that?!

Her solo was fantastic, Chopin...Nocturne, or waltz opus something or another. (Wow, did I really play piano for 3 years?) But the tune was great!The later half the concert got kinda boring. One of the ten people likes to tap his foot like a metronome when he plays Jazz and it drove me nuts. I ended up counting his beats with him instead of paying attention to what he was playing. Besides, most of the people there are Jazz players anyway, while I could tell the difference between, Chopin, Mendelson, Bach, Beethoven, Mozart and Debussy, all the jazz music sounded the same or just a twist of different tunes I've heard before to me.

So I spent the rest of my time contemplating plans to escape the Arlene Shnitzer Hall incase there is a terroist attacks. By the end of the perfomance, I have every escape route planned and every disastor covered. One of my grandest escape plans is if there is a bomb designated in the rows above us. I would jump onto the lighting poles next to me and from there jump to the hanging chandeleir lights and as the roof sinks in, I'll lower myself gracefully onto the stage and run out from there.

Friggin DONE!!! DONE WITH THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY ENGLISH ESSAY!!!

I shed blood (I'm serious) over this piece of work, I sweated, I toiled for a week! And finally I am DONE!!!

Yes, I woke up last night from a terrible nose bleed and a nightmare that my English essay was due and I didn't get it done!! I was so worried a week ago on how in the world am I going to write 10 pages on this topic, and now, here I am, 12 pages saved on my computer. BOOYA!

Now, I have to go back and edit, majorly edit...yes. Lets see, I still need to do, Math (I have a quiz every math class for the next friggin month), don't need to worry about history study guides yet and figure out the lab for physics.

Why do people like writing stuff about their life and post them online so others would read it? Are we trying to find someone who "cares"? Hoping someone would read it and respond? Satisfy our cravings for ranting and complaining about life? I don't know, I always had trouble keeping a daily journal because I hate reflecting upon my day-to-day actions. I want to forget so many things that writing about school just makes me terribly depressed, so I don't.

So, I got home today and I felt something was missing. I was sitting in front of my computer and I suddenly realized that it was music. I haven't played piano or listened to songs for the past week! So I popped a CD into the CDdrive and turned the musics REAL loud. I was checking my mail when the song "soak up the sun" was playing. And by coincidence AOL added some lyrics to the song. It normally went like this.

I wanna soak up the sun
*Pause*
I wanna soak up the sun

But today, it turned out this way:

I wanna soak up the sun
You've go mail!
I wanna soak up the sun.

HAW HAW HAW!!!

So After a while, I felt dizzy so I went downstairs and played a lovely tune on the piano for awhile. A very nice afternoon indeed....

There is something about health class that just makes ...me..mad. First of all the teachers. They all call me Roland, starting out with Mrs. Perry in Middle school, to Mr. Shoff and finally with Ms. Branan. They can never pronounce my name no matter how much I correct them. And they take offense if I do that too much like it insults them, well what of me? I hate being called Roland, *eck* that is a really bad swing on my name. (I don't mind other alternations on my name like Ruru, RuolanMouge, Ru, or Mulan) But Roland?! EW...

Secondly, they are really bitchy. The only time I ever encountered teachers not letting me go the restroom is from Moore or Health. Mr. Shoff gave me looks whenever I asked to goto the restroom and Ms. Branan wouldn't let me go to my locker. What are you guys worried about? Do I friggin LOOK like a person that would use going to the restroom as an excuse to skip class? I mean, if I were really to skip, I wouldn't come to the class at all so that I'd save myself the trouble of asking.

I am pissed at health class today. We were learning about LOVE. WTF? Love is not supposed to be "learned" sitting in a health class in front of a powerpoint taking NOTES?! Love is something learned from experience, from real life for heaven's sake! Must we learn everything from the smartboard or the book?! Learning about LOVE in a classroom!!!! What is the world coming to?!

I get so many of these questions. "Oh my god, you never watched the OC?!" "You never heard of William Hung?!" or "What's MASH?! Where have you been?!".

I guess I've been in China then.

We get the Chinese television channel broadcasted from Beijing. We own about 20 different TV series on VCD and we subscribe to Chinese Newspaper, magazines and my mom occasionally buys Chinese books off the internet. Half of my bookshelf is filled with Chinese books or magazines that I subscribe to. I eat Chinese food everyday. I hang a map of China in my room and even my binder has a Chinese poem on it.

I am not at all bothered by my un-assimilation, instead I am very proud of it. I get easily annoyed at those "chinese" people that upon coming to the United States, they try to ignore their past and heritage, refuse to speak Chinese, and erases every indication that they are of another origin, almost to the point of dyeing their skin white. Its like wtf? If you are ashamed to be Chinese then lets see your mom born you anew with a white skin huh?!

I am getting carried away, but don't get me wrong. I am not anti-American. I am just disgusted at those who are ashamed of who they are, be they Chinese, Indian, African American etc.

Its so different growing up surrounded by easter philosophy (Buddhism, Taosim, Confucism, accumpunture, herbal medicine) and come to a western world where there is almost everything is turned upside down.

Even the food. Which brings me to why I wrote this in the first place. My mom decided she liked the Costco frozen chicken pasta so she bought one and cooked it for tonight. My whole family just found it so salty, like other American foods such as Ham, Chicken Noodle soup etc. No wonder there's a lot of cases of High Blood pressure, Americans are eating to the death! And McDonalds continue to be popular.

There are somethings I'll never understand about America. Like why a lot of people hates FRANCE or why some people in the government think themselves to be the statue to liberty in action who just has to "light" the fire of democracy in every country even if it means starting an uncontrollable wild fire and burning civilians alive within the flames.

Bush should keep his Texas butt out of other country's business and go back to herding cows on his ranch.

I think the book The Poisonwood Bible had a great impact on me. Its not that I'm gonna convert to Christianity but the fact that it tore down a large wall in my head blocking out other religions that had been there for awhile.

I mean, I used to be kinda anti-western religion. Its not like I was against Christianity or Judiasm or anything, but I labelled the western religions as silly, dull and causing violence (such as the Middle East). I avoided articles about Abraham or Jesus as much as possible and absolutely refused to take a look at religiously affilated schools.

I guess you can say that I am narrowminded, I grew up with some very deep and extreme stereotypes that should'nt be there at my age. (Those who know anything about me can attest to the whole Japs er...Japanese thing). Someone in the lab last summer did label me as narrowminded and they are right. This is a period of my life where I should take in as much information, fill my brain with knowledge before I judge, yet what is with this censoring of religious stuff?

The Poisonwood bible had helped open my mind up a lot and I am so glad that I read that book! I should read more books and articles that offer a different perspectives on things. I love Time and Smithsonian, those magazines open my eyes to the world, helps with vocab and exposes me to different ways to write so I can self improve like ben franklin I suppose.

I should read books that Sarah read. Books that question religion, political systems, marriage, life in general, heaven, hell, earth and the basic institutions humans live on.

After a few days of running around between the English Lab area and the yearbok computer room trying to find cameras, battery chargers etc. I vow to make innovated plans for next year.

Once I assume dictatorship over photography in yearbook as *ahem* editor next year, I will organize the cabinets, train my photographers vigorously, give them tests, make sure they take their pictures, grade them harshly, make sure they sign out the cameras they use. Of course, I will also hog the "nice" photography jobs like Football, V. Boys soccer, Boys Basketball, boys track, V. boys lacross... etc, you get the picture.

Whenever Mr. Trtek diverts his attention from the rest of the class to point at me to do a problem, I just see that look in his eyes. The look that seem to be saying "what the hell are you doing in AP Physics?!?!"

Trust me Mr. Trtek, I ask myself that question...every damn day.

I was looking for something on my mom's shelf when I came across a journal. I flip to a random page and there's the words:

"October 3rd 1988. Lanlan is 2 years old today!"

It turns out to be my mom's journal from when I was born till when I turned 6 years old. She kept track of what toys, books she bought me, my every measurement of height. Gosh, I cannot believe that I was once 83 centimeters tall. Its like shorter than a meter stick in Mr. Trtek's room (my method of measurement, sadly, yes).

I also refused to believe that my bad habit of not picking up after myself started at age two. Ha Ha. 15 years of randomly losing things, you'd think that losing myself would make me less absentminded. Obviously not.

There was so much of my mom's dreams in that journal, dreams that I'm afraid will remain as dreams. Until I can get myself together.

There are some things in the world and I know I will just have to accept. No matter how long, no matter how I try, broken things aren't mendable. I'll have to move on. The rearview mirror is only to keep you out of trouble, it would be so torturing to keep looking behind you and never before.

I didn't fall asleep till 2 last night and I've learned a lesson from my tossing and turning. It was a lesson that I couldn't buy with gold, so I paid with my tears. The curtain had been ripped and it lay in shreds beneath me, behind me. I thought it was as bad as its going to get when Kobe came and I found out the Godbrother I had loved for so long was gone. Yet this time, it is through a fault of my own. A big fault of my own.

I hope that after I write this, I will truly have moved on. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, who knows. My parents had always told me, if I don't learn my lessons at home, the lessons I learn in real life will be more harsh and cold. I guess this is one of them. I don't even think the person knows how much they taught me, the extent of their lesson. But I am grateful, and with my apologies, I would like to say Thank you for this lifelong lesson.

(I've had these thoughts floating around in my head for awhile, I'd just like to get them down on paper)

What am I waiting for? It seems like I am going no where in life, I stand at this large crossroad and I just stop. Period. I see an opportunitie and I just sit at the opposite shore and watch it float past me. What am I waiting for, I should firmly grasp life instead of waiting for it to go by. I find the person I like and instead of "going" for him, I do nothing but watch and think. Instead of dropping an impossible task, I hang on... to nothing and wait some more. I hate the passiveness, I hate riding on a huge merry-go-around that I couldn't get off.

A thought about women: There is so much going on inside a girls head, thoughts that a guy can NEVER understand. Its even too hard to explain, but the lady in titanic was right: "A woman's heart is a deep ocean filled with secrets".

Hope is in your hands
This is a website I came across while browsing on the internet. Even if the pic captions are in Chinese, you can get the general idea of it. Take a look Lake Oswegoers.

I see sights like these every time I go back to China. Its like upon stepping off the airplane at Beijing Airport, I enter another dimension. The two countries are so contrasting, that... I am at loss of words trying to describe the differences.

I'm tired... I'm going to bed, but I will continue writing down my opinions about China and American in a later time....

Mr. Trtek is my hero for yelling at Mike Busby today. It was as usual a great Trtek moment. He just calmly walked up to that son of a bitch and said: "You are a brainless loudmouth! so why don't you just SHUT UP!!" HA! Take that busby!

Even though I don't believe he even deserves my time spent writing down this. I will go ahead and get this down so that it makes me feel accomplished.

Why do people feel like it is necessary to bash others in order to make themselves look smarter? That's just the person he is. Whenever someone got stuck doing a problem on the board, he try his best to make them look bad. Whenever he can insert a nasty comment into something, he does and makes fun of anybody but himself in the whole friggin class.

There's this one time, when Mr. Trtek said "the answer to the questions is a magical creature plus something which I hope everyone in this room has" (you know the usual blankady blank trtek questions). It turns out the answer was IMP-PULSE (impulse). I didn't know what an IMP was so I asked out loud. Ori and Alex explained that its a little magical creature and I asked which book is it from (I was thinking Ent, hobbit, LOTR makebelieve creature style).

But that asshole sitting two seats up from me turns around and says "Its not from a book, its called COMMON SENSE". I just wanted to smash his head with my big and heavy physics book, and I would've done it if Mr. Trtek hadn't started a problem on the board.

You know what Bugsby? FUCK OFF. Who the hell do you think you are to teach me about what you call common sense? It ISN'T such "common sense" when you had spent more than half of your life in a different country!! To me, IMP is a vocab word I haven't learned or a cultural slang I haven't picked up. Well if you are so smart, do you know what the word WANG BA DAN means? That word is the most basic of what you might call "common sense" in China, lets see you translate it, fucker.

I thought I had left all of the smirking, jeering, taunting and snickering behind in elementary school. I thought left those cold stares, laughing remarks about my understanding of English behind. Well, apparently not. Busby is a leech, feeding his happiness upon the pain of others, the more he makes another look bad, the brighter his day gets. He is a bug waiting to be squashed for picking at the scabs of old scar.

Unless he shuts his fucking mouth from now to the end of the year, I will be glad to announce that by his graduation, he will get a serious concussion and I will have found the uses of my physics book.